Catlinann

As I said in an earlier blog, I’ve lost and gained weight over and over.   I was wondering how you guys deal with people who try to sabotage you.  I know, you’re responsible for what you do.  I know that no one can “force” you to eat bad choices.  But lets all be honest, we have people who, entice, encourage, or put us in situations that make it hard.  I love my husband dearly.  And he loves me.  But, Hmm, I’m trying to think of a good way to say this.. He likes big girls.  Don’t get me wrong, he wants me healthy.  And right now, since I’m a lot heavier than I have ever been wants me to lose some.   There’s going to come a point where he suddenly wants to go out to ice cream each week.  Where he’s going to bring home snickers, just to share with me.  Where “Oh, you’ve been so busy, just sit here and watch a movie, you don’t need to workout.” 

I’m a slacker when it comes to workout out, missing a few days is hard on me, makes it very easy to slip into bad habits.  Tonight, I had perfectly yummy veggie soup at home.  It was already cooked.   Leftovers from the other day, which he hadn’t eaten.  So, it wasn’t as if he’d been eating it for days.   Yet, he wanted to go to an all you can eat place.  I pointed out that not only had we just gone grocery shopping but we had soup already cooked, ready to go at home.  Needless to say, we went out to eat.  I did good, I had healthy choices.  I didn’t have dessert, I had some fruit.  I’ve learned to think of all you can eat places as not trying to get as much as I can, to get my money worth.  Instead I look at it as trying to eat fruits that are normally expensive, eating variety not just masses of food. 

Anyway, I know this is a pattern we have.  This time I’m determined to break it.  I dunno that I’ll ever be skinny.  A size isn’t my goal.  My goal is to be healthy.  I’ve always wanted to go hiking.  I used to walk 2 miles as a kid to go to a lake to fish.  I want to be able to go out, do things without worrying about hurting myself.  

I set my goal at 180 because I have a lot to lose.  That’s the point that I go to being merely “fat”.   I don’t think I wanna stop there.  But it’s a good point to work toward. 

Tomorrow is weigh in day.  Girl time started today, I’m not sure what the scale will say.  As bad as this might sound.  I don’t care.  Why?  Because I’ve worked hard this week.  A shirt that used to cling to my tummy was loose.  Actually, several shirts this week were loose.  I know that I’ve lost fat, even if the scale doesn’t show it.  I’m proud of that.  From past experience I’ve learned not to only count on what the scale shows. 

I went shopping today.  Normally by the time we’re done shopping, I’m sweating, getting tired, feeling sore.  Today I did it with ease.  My lower back didn’t hurt at all.  That means more to me more than numbers.  I dug out a pair of shorts that I used to wear a couple summers ago.  I can’t snap them.  They are going to be my “goal” shorts.  I’m going to try them on once a week to see how they fit, or if they do. 

I’m gonna go do the bike, the urge to workout is getting to me

I had pizza last night.  It’s my fav food.  I ordered some loaded with veggies, ham, half the cheese and only had 2 slices.  I hate being told I can’t eat something.  For me, It’s always better to make compromises so I can eat what I want, just less.   I walked to my parent’s house yesterday, it was a 2 mile walk.  I’m pretty happy that I made it and I wasn’t sore today because of it.  I’m getting ready to work out here in a few minutes.   I think that it helped that I was taking pictures on the way.  I was sooo disappointed that when I got over there I remembered that I’d changed the picture resolution so I could take a picture for here.  They weren’t as clear as I had wanted. 

 Weekends are always hardest for me.  My husband has been working saturdays, which has made it easier.  Only one day to really watch for. 

I’m finding it easier to write on here.  At first it was a little hard, not knowing what to say.  I’m glad I find my way here.  I’ve been reading the blogs when I have a chance, it makes me feel better, being able to chat with others who have the same struggles.

I decided not to workout today.  I’d been going to bed feeling achy all over.  I’d been working out hard each day but decided it’d be good to take a day off.  It was harder than I thought not to workout.  I have been focusing a lot on all the healthy stuff I need to do, change and so on.  I kept feeling like I needed to workout.  I can tell tonight that I don’t feel achy like I have the last week. 

 I made some soup tonight, lots of veggies!  I’ve been trying to do a lot more cooking, which I think has been helping with the weight loss.

Not really much to say today, was another good day. 

I just finished working out.  Over the weekend I brought my exercise bike upstairs.  All the workout stuff is in the basement.  It’s not as bad as it might sound.  Our computers are down there, so is a tv.  It’s not finished but not icky either.  With it being colder, being down there is freezing, plus the main thing is: this way I can be up here, watch tv and pedal my heart out.  Even if I go slow, it’s better than just sitting on the couch watching tv.  I’d like to say “Oh, I’m giving up tv.”  It wouldn’t be the truth, and I’m not even gonna pretend that I would give up my fav shows.  This way, I’m working them into my life in a healthier way.  We have tivo, which is really nice.  It’s made it so I watch a lot less tv.  No commercials, YAY! 

 I wanted to thank those who responded to my post yesterday, it made me feel really good to read the posts.  I’m happy with the 12 pounds I’ve lost.  I was just feeling frustrated with the lose 4 pounds, lose 1, gain 3, lose 2, gain 3 type thing.  I know it’s the holidays and I ended it with a loss, but overall it was a yo-yo thing.   I was more disappointed with that. 

 My whole life it seems as if I’ve lost and gained weight, over and over.  One reason I’m working on all aspects of my life is that I don’t want that pattern to continue.  I asked my husband for a new camera for Christmas.  I’ve been enjoying learning to use it and taking pictures.  I can’t wait for it to warm up that way I can go outside more. 

About the friends, I don’t work.  Well, not really.  For a few hours a week I help a disabled lady doing shopping, harder cleaning and that sort of thing.  But not a job where others are around and I can interact with people.  Over the years, I’ve had friends who moved away and such.  We still keep in contact but it’s not the same.  I’ve taken heart healthy classes, for awhile (years ago) I joined a weight lose thing.  During the class, make friends, but as soon as the class is over it’s as if you’d never talked.  Or at least that seems the pattern.  With the weight loss club I joined, it was good while I was in it but it wasn’t losing in a healthy way.  Oh, i’m sure some did well but when I was in it, no one lost in a healthy way.  Mainly everyone would stay the same.  Or they’d lose 2-3 weeks, then gain it all back.  At the time that I quit, I was losing weight but felt as if the group was encouraging bad habits over good habits.  Eating what you want the first part of the week and starving 2-3 days before the weigh in. 

I am a little shy at first, but open up once I’m more comfy.  I have read several other blogs, but not commented.  It’s amazing how supportive this site is.  I’m so glad I found it.

Carey

I know, weird title but I couldn’t think what to say.  I’m still trying to figure the website out.  Not that it’s hard, but there’s so much to do.  I started really working on my weight again after Thanksgiving.  I wanted to avoid the “normal” winter/holiday weight gain that I and it seems most people have.  I dunno if I should start my tracker from then, or from today since it’s my first day on the site.  I’m happy that I actually lost weight over the holidays, but it seems like I did so little.  I know I shouldn’t feel that way.  I can’t help it.  I’m down 12 pounds since then.

 I’m an emotional eater.. oh boy, am I!  I’m hoping being able to meet people who are working though the same problems will help.  I’ve joined other buddy sites, sadly it seems like most people log on, send messages for a couple months.  Then you never hear from them again.  I stayed on a site for over a year, but I think the longest I had a buddy or someone who kept logging in was about 4 months. 

 I have no real friends.  Oh, I shouldn’t say that.  I have a lot of online friends but not people to go out, hang out with and that sort of thing.  I’ve tried different things to meet people.  I was thinking about joining a diet “club” just so I could have people to interact with.  Sigh.

 This is the heaviest I’ve ever been.  I’ve always been heavy.  What’s worse is, I’m not even sure how it got so high. 

 I hope to meet a lot of nice people, people going through the same struggles that I am.

Carey